"Normal Life"

We were getting into bed the other night and chatting casually. Basically we were looking back over all that had happened that day. Most remarkable to us was that our day wasn't boring or normal. I think I said something like, "I thought life was to get more boring the older you get. Aren't we old enough yet to have a boring life?" My wife corrected me and said something like, "Well that only applies to people who have a normal life. You forget dear ... that we don't have a normal life." And I knew she was right. We don't. In fact, I don't know anyone who has a life that looks anything like ours. It's not that we're special. It's not that our life is considerably better ... or worse than anyone else's life. It's just that it is different. How does our life differ from the lives of just about everyone else that we know? It's actually hard to explain. But I suspect it has something to do with how we've constructed our family. My wife and I have 11 adopted children. Three of them were adopted here in the U.S. The other eight are in Uganda. To be sure, we'd like to have them here with us all the time, but so far God hasn't made that possible. So, we're maintaining two households, one here in the U.S. and one in Uganda. We've got two electric bills, two water bills, two payments, and of course two food bills. We've got school expenses --- sometimes it seems that they are about to overwhelm us! But it's not just our children and family situation that makes life different. We are in ministry. Many years ago we began to see our marriage as a ministry base. And as ministries go, this one covers a range of activities. My wife, for example, mentors an Iranian women who is trying to leave Islam and become a Christian. She only speaks Farsi and is struggling with English. I got involved in a ministry that trains indigenous pastors in rural Africa - and I write the curriculum myself ... based on what their needs are. As you might imagine, my wife's ministry focus seems to center around children. So she is constantly engaging in some way with children. It might be teaching a pre-school class at our church. It might be collecting and sorting clothes for foster children. It could be volunteering in the English-as-a-second-language lab and an underprivileged school. A few years ago my wife decided to return to work outside the home. She got a job in the library of a school on the east (poor) side of town. After working there a little while, she got laid off. But she felt so called to minister to these children that she continued to work there for another full year --- for free. Now I don't know if this is true, but it also seems that our lives are considerably more complicated than the lives of other people that we know. Maybe they are, or maybe that's just my perception. But we seem to have more than our fair share of problems and obstacles to contend with on a regular basis. More things break down. More things need sorting out. Sometimes there's more drama. (Sometimes there's a lot of drama!) None of this deters us, mind you. We plod through it, knowing that God is sufficient for all our needs and obstacles in life. We try not to worry about anything, and just usually turn to Him and say something like, "Well okay, God. How did you want me to respond to this?" The final area where I think our life is different and maybe not so normal is in the level of blessings we've received. Without a doubt, we are the most blessed people that we know. I don't say that smugly or anything. Truly we don't deserve to be the most blessed people that we know. But we've seen God intervene in our lives, time and time again, in some pretty miraculous ways. And we see how tragic life could be without God leading us through it. Let me expound on that just a bit. I remember reading Psalm 23 several years ago. At the time I was going through quite a bit of pain and heartache. This Psalm didn't comfort me at the time. But I identified with it. I was focused on my problems and my misery. The psalmist wrote, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death ..." I thought to myself, "Oh, he's in my neighborhood. That's definitely where I've spent most of my life ... walking through the valley of the shadow of death!" Quite honestly, looking back, I see that I was a bit too focused on my problems at the time. Maybe I was having myself a pity party or something. But I continued to think about that psalm and God asked me to consider the rest of it as well. "... I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He restoreth my soul. ..."Oh my goodness, He totally does all that! In fact God gives me peace in the midst of circumstances that would suggest there is should be no peace at all. It wasn't long before I began to see Psalm 23 as a wonderful truth in my life. I also realized that my life is not "normal" and that I'm quite okay with that. I don't want life to be normal. I want it to keep being interesting and challenging and dynamic. Mind you, I would never want to face life without God. But since I have God, the entire meaning of life changes. Most of all, it goes from "normal" to extraordinary before you even realize it!

How are you?

It's an innocent question, really. Often it's asked without any real expectation of an answer. Sometimes when it is asked, the answer is really more information than was wanted. You'll run into an acquaintance and the natural question that seems to come to mind is inevitably, "How are you?"

Typically, the answer is something like "Fine." I notice that talk show hosts get asked this question a lot. I listen to Dave Ramsey, for instance, on the radio. He takes questions from callers regarding their finances. No matter how many callers there are, the vast majority of them start the conversation by asking Dave how he is.

Mind you, he's already answered the question 20 times in the last hour! Still they ask. Being the gentleman that he is, David usually has a pat response ready: "Better than I deserve!" Of course, that doesn't really disclose the current condition of Dave Ramsey. Then again, I'm pretty sure the callers aren't calling to find out how Dave is.

Now throughout my own lifetime, I have to say that I've been pretty blessed in that I am usually just fine. That's not to say that I've not had problems. Quite frankly, there've been many periods in my life when I concluded that life wasn't worth living. I was mad at God for making suicide a sin.

Can you imagine how people might have responded if I'd answered their question truthfully? I confess, I've usually just always said that I am fine ... even when I'm not. Does that make me a liar? I guess maybe it does. My motive was probably more on the righteous side of things though. I didn't want to burden others with the sour outlook on life that I had at the time. Then again, I sometimes cynically wondered if they really cared. I've often thought that people who ask how I am really don't want to know. They're just making small talk. Or being polite.
As a follower of Christ, I have to say the question changed. Or rather the motive behind the question and the answers both changed. When I ask someone how they are today, it's a pretty good bet that I do want to know. I love them and sincerely have their goodwill at heart. When someone asks me how I am today, I often recognize it as genuine and sincere concern for my goodwill as well. So no longer am I cynical about asking or answering that question: "How are you?" That's the power of God's transforming grace for you. Go figure.

Recently, I've uncovered a new dimension of that question, "How are you?" I was hospitalized with a back injury that was rather severe. Partial paralysis, nerve damage and a great deal of pain have been mine to bear. It's been a long, slow recovery process. Physical therapy, doctors' appointments, medications and other venues are part of my routine nowadays. And when people ask how I am, I answer truthfully. I'm just a little perplexed by the response I get when I answer the question truthfully and disclose the nature or some of the extent of my present challenges.

There seems to be a rather large camp of people who've had similar back injuries and related back pain. That was the first surprise. In fact, it sometimes seems as if I might be the last man on earth to face this malady! So from this camp, I don't get sympathy, encouragement or offers of prayer or support. Rather I get advice. I'm given the names of doctors, specialists, treatment programs, medical massage therapists, physical therapists and more.

Everyone seems to have an opinion regarding what I should do. Even people who've not actually been in my shoes or similar shoes. They just know someone who has. And they've seen how well so-and-so did with this therapy, specialist, treatment, etc. So they know exactly what I should do. Ironically, they'll even follow up with me later to see if I've done what they told me to do. I find myself feeling just a bit defense because it feels as if they disapprove of my present course of action. It's as if they conclude that what I'm doing is not working - as evidenced by the fact that I'm still challenged in this area.

The thing is, if I did what everyone told me to do, I'd have to quit my job and spend my life savings on medical expenses. I'd have to thumb my nose at my health insurance company, and maybe even the doctors I've been seeing. I'd be in doctors' offices, on massage tables, etc. every single day. So the burden is on me to ferret these things out and see if any of it seems to have merit for me personally.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm ungrateful. It's just that the advice is coming at me far to quickly and in too much volume for any of it to have any real practical advice. I'm reminded of an old adage that says, "When everyone is talking, it's hard for anyone to be heard." Frankly, I'm getting so much advice that I can't use any of it.

So my perspective is starting to change. I'm considering adopting a different strategy when answering that age-old question, "How are you?" How am I? Well I have some health challenges right now. But those are circumstances. And circumstances are never truth. I've known that for some time now.

The truth is that I'm mightily blessed by a wondrous God whom I adore. Yes, I have some cross carrying to do. (Doesn't everyone at one point or another?) But when I consider the burdens that some people have to carry in this life, mine pale in comparison. I'm thinking it may be best not to talk about how I am. Or at least to change the perspective I use to develop the answer.

You see, like radio show host Dave Ramsey, I really am "better than I deserve." And I'm not trying to be cute here. What I deserve in life is considerably worse than what I've received. Credit God's goodness, His loving mercy, His forgiveness, His immense power, His wisdom, and even the leadership of His Holy Spirit. I've got a direct channel with my Father in heaven. His Son saved me and makes me holy every day (in spite of myself). His Spirit guides me and teaches me.

God has given me good health throughout most of my life. He's blessed me with more financial security than I ever imagined for myself. I have a loving family, lots of deep friendships, engaging work, exhilarating recreation, and I sleep really well most nights. Oh yeah, I almost forgot --- I've got some back trouble and am having to accommodate that right now, but I'm a blessed man in every sense of the word. My present challenges in no way cancel or overshadow my present blessings.

So --- how are you today?