Social Media Reunions

I have to be honest and start by saying that I really didn't even notice it at first. It sort of crept up on me. One day I'm going along with normal experiences and normal thoughts. Another day I "wake up" and realize that something else has been happening. There's been another dimension to my experience that I wasn't even aware of!

I'm talking about those reunions we are getting to make with the use of social media networks. LinkedIn and Facebook are two that I frequent. I have more than 800 and 460 links and friends on them respectively. Many of those are reconnections. They're people I used to know. Maybe we went to grade school together. Maybe we worked together. Honestly, some of them I haven't seen since we were children. But I find them - or they find me - on the social media network.

It starts a little awkwardly. You have to do some exchanges to make sure it's who you think it is. Sometimes you have to convince them that it's really you. I reconnected, for example, with a woman I truly thought was dead! It was quite a shock to find that she wasn't, and to start having a dialogue on Facebook. But eventually you get to the inevitable question. It goes something like this. "So, tell me how your life has turned out."

The question tends to yield a somewhat predictable answer. We hear of spouses, marriages, children, careers, grandchildren and other milestones. Frankly, most of them are pretty encouraging. I'm learning that these people I'm reconnecting with are well-adjusted, satisfied and living good lives. None of them are rich or famous. But they are secure and content. (I think that's better!)

So I went through a few of these, and they all had what I call "happy endings." Besides the woman who wasn't dead, I suppose the biggest story was the son of an old high school friend. This high school buddy had gotten his girlfriend pregnant and dropped out of our freshmen year of college to go back home and marry her. Looking for him on-line, I accidentally connected with his son by the same name (he is a junior).

I thought at first I was talking to my old friend. I soon realized that this was his adult son - the product of that ill-fated pregnancy many years ago. That son is an ordained minister now, with two kids. (They are the grandchildren of my old high school pal.) And my mind went back to the memory of the conversation we had about the possibility of an abortion. I am thinking to myself as I correspond with this young man, "Wow! I remember your father and mother considering getting an abortion when you were conceived!"

Faced with the choice of having an abortion and pursuing their own desires in life, they instead chose to get married, make sacrifices and raise the child. I eventually connected with the young man's parents and there's no doubt they are eternally grateful that they did not have an abortion. They are still happily married and now have this fine young man for a son, and some wonderful grandchildren. It's a surreal experience. I don't remember any joy with that pregnancy, the dropping out of college, etc. In fact, I remember a lot of tears. But today, well there is joy - and lot's of it.

I don't know when exactly it was that it first started. But somewhere along the way, it became more than just fun to catch up and hear how their lives had turned out. I started to realize that these stories were giving me hope. Maybe when I was younger I envisioned some sort of reunion where I would celebrate that fact (hopefully) that I was better off then they were. I think we all secretly have a bit of that envious streak in us with regard to class reunions, for instance.

But the reality is I am quite pleased to hear that their lives have turned out well. More than pleased, I'm joyous and filled with hope. Quite frankly, it makes me focus more on the long term blessings of God. I begin to see that while God was working things out in my life, He was doing the same for so many other people. Truly, He is a remarkable God!

I don't know how many more long lost friends, peers, co-workers, etc. I will get to connect with on these social media networks. But I have to say that I'm anxious to find more of them. Each one I find seems to bring a story of hope. It brings a story of God's amazing grace, and re-affirms the fact that life does work out, despite its distractions.

I'm praising God for these social media reunions. And I wonder if anyone ever imagined that social media networks could deliver such a fantastic result!

Twittering Facebook

It has now been about nine months since I joined the tens of millions on Facebook, and the millions on Twitter. Recently I noticed that I now have over 300 "friends" on Facebook. I have to confess that I actually gave up on Twitter and even deleted my profile there, just before Thanksgiving. (Honestly, it was the lamest waste of time I've seen in some time!)

But I'm finding that Facebook poses an interesting dichotomy. On the one hand, I've connected with former colleagues, schoolmates, long-lost relatives and even a couple of old girl friends. I even connected with someone I'd not heard from in about 27 years and thought was long dead! So there is definitely a power in Facebook that's unrivaled in modern culture. No matter who you are, I'm convinced there are people you know on Facebook.

Now the interesting thing I'm noticing lately is the intersection of Twitter and Facebook. People are Twittering stuff and referring to it on Facebook. They'll post a message on Facebook and tell people to go to their Twitter profile to see something. (Why not just post it on Facebook?) When I was on Twitter I don't recall seeing people ask me to go check their Facebook wall. So I'm trying to understand how the two complement each other in practical terms. From my perspective, it seems that Facebook has got everything Twitter offers ... and a whole lot more.

But there are rebels. Some of them are even on Facebook. They're a bit angry about Facebook, and resent the fact that they have to be on it. Some of them refuse to get on Facebook. I tried to connect with a relative recently and was sharply rebuked for it. She informed me that we can e-mail just as easily and she only has friends on Facebook whom she doesn't e-mail with. There's a logic for you. "I'll only friend people on Facebook whom I don't talk to." Interesting.

Then there are those people on Facebook who really aren't on Facebook. Oh sure, they went on it once and set up a profile. They friended about ten people and maybe posted a profile picture. And they haven't been back since. They don't post any updates, they don't respond to any messages you send them, and they don't have any pictures depicting what's going on in their lives. So are they really on Facebook?

The really curious crowd (to me, at least) are the ones on Facebook who seem to be on there several times a day, at all hours of the day. They're not saying much, and most of them are just playing Farmville or Mafia Wars (Farmville seems to be the most popular). I'm glad they enjoy it. But I have to admit I get annoyed when I get messages asking me to help them find a "little lost reindeer" (that doesn't exist) on their farm (which doesn't exist). Apparently these people are having a blast playing these games on Facebook though. More power to them.

Lately I've been questioning the value of Facebook. Now that I've found the approximately 300 people whose names I can remember in life --- it seems to be losing its luster. It was interesting when I was finding and connecting with people I thought were dead. Without new finds every day or so, not so much then.

And the people I'm connected to on Facebook? Hardly talk to any of them. One guy I hadn't seen since 1976. I wrote and told him a bit about me and my life. Then I asked him to tell me a bit about him and his life. Is he married? Kids? Career? Health? Interesting hobbies? As I eagerly awaited his response, I got his invitation to play Mafia Wars. I ignored it (officially). After a while, I wrote him again and said, "No, really want to know you again. Please write back." His response? "Let's play mafia wars together."

So the thing is that the people I'm friends with on Facebook are really not my friends. In fact most of my true friends in life aren't connecting with me there anyway. There are people I like whom I can keep up with ... if they post updates and pictures. But the rest don't seem to have any value. Friending people on Facebook starts to feel like collecting baseball cards (except you are acquainted with most of the players).

I think I'm going to stick with Facebook for now. But I am starting to wonder if the value proposition isn't going to appear for some of us. It's a bit like having a TV but not watching it. Facebook might have 350 million active profiles, but they can't convince me that they've got 350 million users.

Twitter

So the other day I blogged about so-called "social networks." I have to say that my experience with Twitter isn't really getting any better. I continue to be baffled by the mystery of a value proposition here.

There are people "following" thousands of other people. There are people who have thousands of people "following" them. I suppose if you're a celebrity trying to build your brand, having thousands "follow" you on Twitter is an admirable goal. But what's in it for those who would purport to "follow" you?

What is most intriguing to me are the people who are starting to show up as my "followers" on Twitter. Most of them I don't even know. Why would they want to "follow" me? Why would they care what I'm doing or what I have to say? Perhaps they just want to market to me, get me in their multi-level marketing scheme? (A couple have tried.)

I had to ban a couple people from "following" me on Twitter this past week. One I looked at and he just posted profanity all the time. I concluded that I don't want to know someone like that. The other was a self-professed porn star --- who invited people to go watch her "triple x" movie clips. I definitely didn't want to know her!

Do we ever consider the social equivalents of these social networks? Isn't it a bit like going out into the street and letting a vulgar, repulsive man claim you as a friend? Or isn't it a bit like heading into the red light district and letting a hooker claim you as a friend? Mind you, I'm not opposed to befriending such people. But I don't think I would do it indiscriminately. Discretion would definitely be applied before I would engage with someone - or be publicly associated with them in any way. Yet in the on-line world, we seem not to care. Whatever. Whoever. I find that amazing.

Perhaps the more perplexing aspect of Twitter is the character limitations. One can barely get a couple of sentences in there before you run out of allowable character usage. So you are guaranteed one thing on Twitter - whatever anyone says, it won't be much! Seriously, you'll have to be a man or woman of few words if you're going to communicate on Twitter. Or you'll be posting multiple tweets per day. (Pastor Rick Warren does that.) Is that really effective communication? Wouldn't a blog make more sense?

I try to be open minded about these things. I try to embrace the newest ways and latest thinking. But I have to confess that Twitter is challenging me more than most things. I keep scratching my head, expecting a light bulb to go off when I finally "get it!"

Social Networks

So I'm on Facebook, Twitter and some of those other "social networking" sights. People friend me, tweet me, link me, etc. Some of them I know. Some of them I am familiar with. Some of them I would call "friend."

But I notice something as I scroll down the list of them on each of these sites. The thing I notice is that I am not in a relationship with most of them.

What are we supposed to do with that? God created us to be relational. I don't think He created us to be networked or linked. That's not relational.

Following someone on Twitter isn't like knowing them. One of the guys that follows me on Twitter is "following" literally thousands of people. How could anyone really do that?

Let's face it, he won't actually follow me. He just has electronic feeds from thousands of people. Those feeds bring him any updates that those people publish. But with hundreds or thousands of updates a day or even per week - he's probably not reading most of them. Folks, he's in denial. He's not following me at all!

As I scroll down my list on Facebook, for example, I am also struck with a wave of sadness. There are people on there whom I admire a great deal. I would like to know them. I wish they were my intimate friend. If I could wave a magic wand and make the world different, there'd be time and intent between us to develop a deep friendship.

So what then is social networking? We got into a deep discussion at work today, as the bank looks for ways to mine business value from social networks. Many businesses believe they can. If a business can mine financial value from a social networking site, are those the same dynamics that can enrich my life or yours? What is the real, practical and tangible value that you and I can expect from them?

I suppose I'll continue to get into the social networking scene. It's almost as if you're absence would be more noticeable than your presence. But I have to admit that I'm wandering around these sites any more, wondering where the value is. I mean ... why am I out here?

Perhaps we could create a site where I reach out to you and instead of "friending" or "tweeting" or "following" you, I could simply say something like, "Hey, I have admired you for a long time and would cherish a deep friendship with you. Can we be intentional about pursuing that together?"

But I suppose we couldn't call it a social network. Instead, we'd have to call it a relational network. Now where can I find some of those to join?