On Relapse

It happens. I'm talking about a phenomenon that addicts (and those who love them) know as relapse. But it isn't exclusive to addicts. It happens anytime someone does something they know they shouldn't ... after a period of victory where they abstained from it.

For example, if you're diabetic and swore off doughnuts, but found yourself indulging a few weeks later, you just relapsed. Or you determined to not watch TV before your homework is done, but just couldn't resist that latest episode of Lost? Yep, you just relapsed too.

The point is that anyone can relapse and just about everyone does. We relapse in all sorts of areas by returning to something that we know isn't good for us. People have been studying it for years, trying to figure out how to prevent it. Those who do it suffer from guilt and shame, and sometimes try to hide the fact that they've relapsed. It's a painful issue, especially when the area we're relapsing in is particularly dangerous or harmful to ourselves and/or others.

But there's something about relapse that I think people should understand. It doesn't mean anything. All too often we tend to think that relapse means the prior victory wasn't real. Or we think that the individual who is relapsing wasn't serious or wasn't very committed. Maybe we think they were conning us. The individual who relapses doesn't need others to think these things about himself, he (or she) can easily think these awful things about themselves!

But if recovery or victory isn't real, or if the sinner was conning those around them, such things are not made true by a relapse. If they were true, they were true before the relapse. Relapse isn't what made them true. It just doesn't have that kind of power.

I've counseled people who talk about the relapse of a spouse. Maybe the wife will say something like, "If he uses drugs again, I don't think I can handle it. Not even one more time." And she watches him like a hawk, worried sick that he'll relapse. If there's even the slightest reason to suspect it, she can go off the deep end, hysterical, frantic, and even experiencing pain ... without even having to know if he really did relapse or not. Evidently, his future relapse frightens her that much. She's terribly intimidated by the prospect of a future relapse. How did the behavior of one individual get such power over another individual?

Or the dieter who relapses and then gives up. He or she will come to me and talk about what's happened. They'll say something like, "I'm tired of failing. I just can't fail again. I'm not going to diet at all. I'm just going to be fat!" I mean, what kind of talk is that? What kind of rationale gets someone to such a ridiculous place? It would appear that relapse has convinced this individual that they cannot possibly do something (like control their eating). How can one event, or even a string of events acquire such power over one's thinking and even over one's will?

Here's the thing. Relapse really doesn't mean anything. It means you screwed up. It means you failed. It means you're human. It might even be an indication of the fact that you're a hopeless sinner --- in desperate need of a Savior. (Fortunately one is available!) But relapse does not define you. It doesn't define your future, or even your present. And it certainly doesn't define your past (as in "my successful dieting in the past wasn't real").

Now don't get me wrong, relapse wants to have that power. It wants to define you and define your relationships, your future, your potential and everything else about you. Relapse wants to be the exclamation mark at the end of your sentences. It wants to be the blockade to your future. And it's a persistent little devil, it will keep trying to convince you that it has this power already.

It's time we stop looking that this phenomenon known as relapse and think it means anything. If your broke your diet, took a drink, looked at porn, used drugs, ate a doughnut or whatever else you are trying to break free of --- it doesn't mean anything. The truth is that the process of sanctification is still active in you. God, who began a good work in you (when you were saved) will be faithful to complete it.

This, my friends, is what's true. You're not perfect, you still need that Savior, and you'll have to keep on growing in holiness and righteousness until Christ returns. Until then, you may have to encounter relapse from time to time. It may be your own relapse. It may be the relapse of people you love and support. It'll be painful. But you are not to be deceived by it. You are not to submit to it. And you certainly are not to hand your power over to it.

It's time we put relapse in its place and stop giving it power that it doesn't have. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13) That includes walk through a relapse and reclaim the victory that Christ hung on that cross to ensure for me.

Addiction's Roots

It seems to have become a fairly common term in our culture. I’m talking about addiction. It is often used in the media. People readily confess to it. The stigma that surrounded it for so long seems to be disappearing. In fact, I am beginning to wonder if it might not become in vogue to be addicted to something!

But I’ve noticed that people usually don’t use refer to something as an addiction until they get caught by the consequences of whatever it is they say they are addicted to. Alcoholics, for example, don’t usually decide they are addicted to alcohol until it is ruining their lives. Those who profess a shopping addiction don’t typically get there until they are drowning in credit card debt. Food addicts are always obese by the time they confess the addiction.

Seriously, it makes me wonder if consequences aren’t the true measure in our culture of what an addiction is. If the consequences aren’t spiraling out of control, then I am not addicted. If I'm able to keep juggling my credit card debt, then I just like to shop. If I drink a lot, but it isn't ruining my life, then I just like to drink. If I smoke, it is part of my character and I just enjoy a good cigar or cigarette - until I get cancer from it. Then it's an addiction. Isn’t that the way we tend to view it? And isn’t that kind of thinking rather flawed?

I believe that addiction to anything is probably a physical symptom of a deeper, spiritual problem. Perhaps it is an attitude of the heart, or the result of a broken and hardened heart. It seems that many addicts have been through difficult traumas in their lives – the kind that tends to harden hearts. And I think it goes deeper than that. I think it gets down to the level of worship. I know, you’re thinking I must be insane to correlate addiction with worship. But bear with me here.

Worship is idolatry. We don’t think of it that way because it idolizes the one true God – when it is good and righteous. But when we idolize anything or anyone else, I would argue that it is still worship – except that now it is without the righteousness. Idolatry is defined as the worship of or an immoderate attachment or devotion to something (Merriam-Webster dictionary). It could be to the one true God of the universe. That would produce a Jesus freak, a sold-out fanatic who would give his or her life for Christ. On the other hand, it could be to something or someone less than Jesus.

Christians are by nature designed to worship. You and I were made to worship, as the song goes. That is very true. But what we were made to worship? And what if we don’t worship Him? Well then we will worship something or someone else. So the word idolatry, and my immoderate attachment or devotion can be applied to God – or it can be applied to alcohol, drugs, sex, food, gambling, TV, sleep, Internet, pornography, exercise, sports, work, video games, shopping, self, relationships … and the list goes on.

II Timothy 3:4 identifies people who desire an idolatrous (i.e., immoderate) pleasure more than they desire to honor God as “lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.” Ouch! Now loving these pleasures may be a response to pain. Both the love of pleasure and the avoidance of pain (or escape) can fuel any so-called addiction.

For most of us who have not learned to deal with our pain in God-honoring ways, and not learned to lean on God’s provision to walk through our trials, it is very tempting to reach for something that brings us pleasure or helps us avoid or tune out the pain. Enter the addiction.

Now I know what I’m saying is going to make some people mad. Why is that? Because it’s offensive. If I can blame my perverted relationship with food, sex, drugs, alcohol, or whatever on “addiction,” then I am not responsible. I am a helpless victim suffering from a sinister disease. But as we say in Texas, “that dog won’t hunt.” To get at the root of any addiction, we simply need to get at the root of your God.

The Bible tells us to love the Lord with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind. In other words, we are to worship Him, with an immoderate devotion and attraction. I believe the real solution for addicts of any kind is a relationship (be it new or restored) with Jesus Christ. Ironically, we were also made to worship only one thing at a time.

So as we worship, and commit idolatry over Christ, guess what? The addictions will fade. Alcohol will lose its power in my life. So will shopping, sex, drugs, food, gambling, and all those other things that promised to changed the way we feel --- and instead enslaved us in an ugly addiction with disastrous consequences.

Think you’re addicted to something? Look at the focus of your worship. If you find that you are addicted, get your focus on Christ and learn to idolize Him in your everyday life. Therein lies the only true cure for human addiction.