God's Answer

I'm going to a memorial service today. It's for a very dear friend of mine who died unexpectedly this past weekend. For several days now, I've been moving in and out of shock and sadness. Don't get me wrong, he was a good Christian, and anyone who knows him believes he was right with God when he died. That's not the problem.

There's a sadness that sweeps over you that somehow gets emphasized by the suddenness of it all. He was playing racquetball I think, with some friends from his church. Apparently he had a heart attack there on the court and died. The doctors say he went quickly and didn't suffer. Of course we're all grateful for that. But it's a loss for his family and for all who knew him and loved him. It might be an even greater loss for those who knew how much Tom loved them. (I'm in that latter category.)

Tom (that's his name) was a very good man. Kind, considerate, generous, loving ... all words that anyone who knew him would use to describe him. Probably anyone who knew him long enough had a story about his kindness too. He was very focused on doing the right thing. Always. And usually he did too. He did many right things.

One of the most profound right things Tom always did was use his influence, wherever he was in life, for the better cause. If Tom worked for a certain company, he'd get that company's products donated to the cause. If Tom had an opportunity to speak, for example, to youth about his own struggles as a youth - he didn't need to wait for an invitation or have to script what he wanted to say. He was always ready to leverage the opportunities that God might put in front of him.

I had lunch with my friend Tom just a few weeks ago. Now this guy always gave the impression of what some might consider a worrier ... it was one of his weaknesses. He appeared to worry about everything. I don't think that's accurate though, because worry is based on fear - and I don't believe Tom was afraid. But he stressed about everything it seemed. Don't get me wrong, it was never for selfish reasons. He stressed about everything because everything mattered to him. He thought everything ... and everyone was important. And he lived his life that way.

At any rate, the main topic of our lunch was Tom's laser-sharp focus on God's will for his life. We talked about the fact that he didn't think his current situation was where he was ultimately supposed to be. He said several times that he had this strong sense that God had other plans for him. Tom figured those other plans would of course be best, so he was anxious to discern what they might be and move into them. But first the question had to be answered.

"What is God's plan for my life? What does God want to do with me? What's next? Where am I going?" Those were the kinds of things my friend was saying to me. So Tom was acutely focused on listening to God. He prayed, he studied God's Word. He listened to his wife --- knowing full well that God often speaks to men through their wives. And of course he sought and listened to the voice of other mature Christians through whom he knew God might speak.

We prayed together after that lunch, right there in the food court at the mall. We held hands and specifically prayed that God would give Tom peace with the question, and an answer to the question in God's perfect timing. We thanked God for His perfect provision in Tom's life, and for the ministry Tom had with his family, his work and others. And Tom assured God that he would gladly accept whatever God had for him next. He didn't need to know what it was to make that claim ... because Tom knew who God is.

I can't help but think this week that the question has been answered. I want to call Tom on his cell phone and leave him a message. "Well, buddy, I guess you've got that question answered now!" I've been having that thought for a couple of days now. The question has been answered. Isn't that what we all want ... for God to answer the question?

I know my friend Tom was completely surprised by God's answer to the question. But I'm equally certain that he's not disappointed with God's answer. Oh sure, he was not ready to leave his wonderful wife and two precious daughters. But he knows who God is. And he knows God is enough for his wife. He knows God is enough for his daughters. He knows God will care for them perfectly. He also knows that his wife and daughters are firmly grounded in God's truth. He knows they won't waver or be blown in the winds of life. Tom left three women behind who know where they're going ... and how to get there.

It isn't often that someone dies suddenly and we can think about how completely ready they were to "meet their maker" (to coin a phrase). But I think those of us who knew and loved this man have that comfort right now. That is quite an enormous gift, really. We'll miss him, and the pain of that loss is real. But the question is answered. And it's a question that Tom wanted to be answered. Moreover, there is no doubt that Tom is satisfied with the answer.

If Tom is at peace with that answer (and I'm sure he is), then shouldn't we be at peace as well? Shouldn't we take our grief and sadness to the Lord, and leave them there at the cross? Can we find comfort in the fact that Jesus is enough for our losses? Can we trust Jesus with the future of those loved ones that are left behind?

Ironically, I had to attend another funeral yesterday, for the father of a dear friend of mine. The preacher said something that I thought was pretty profound. He said that death is necessary for life to be in perspective. He said that light can only be put into perspective by darkness, and similarly, life can only be put into perspective by death. Mind you, I don't want that to be true. But I see that it definitely is.

I was talking to someone the other day, and they said something like, "This isn't natural." They were referring to life without someone who had recently died. I thought to myself, "Of course it is. It is perfectly natural!" Death is a very natural part of life. God engineered it that way. So the things and the people that we love and share life with --- they live and they die in what is a very natural cycle.

It would seem that the challenge for each of us is to consider what God would have us do with this natural cycle of life and death. How does one honor God with the grief that we have to process? How do we celebrate the life that was - in the face of the loss that we feel? How do we give thanks to God for the gift of that life we shared - without blaming Him for the loss that we feel?

I've long known that feelings are not truth. Whatever I'm feeling is not representative of what's true. So the loss that I'm feeling is not what's true about the situation or even about me. To be clear, my friend Tom was a dear, sweet man. He was a very, very good man. But you know, God is better. In fact, He is so much better that He covers all the losses that we experience in the death of loved ones like Tom.

Quite frankly, I can't imagine that anything would please my friend Tom more than to know that the people who loved him might turn to God in their loss --- and see the splendor of God's goodness. There's no doubt that Tom was surprised with God's answer to his question. But like I said, I am quite certain that Tom is satisfied with that answer. Let me now be satisfied too.

Celebrity Deaths

If you've turned on the TV or listened to the radio this past week or so, you've no doubt been inundated with the tributes to Michael Jackson.

The media has been commemorating the one year anniversary of his death. One day last week I was flipping channels on TV and there were three different shows about Michael Jackson on three different channels - at the same time!

As I've thought about Michael Jackson's death, it's occurred to me that his death looks pretty much like so many others. Marilyn Monroe. Elvis Presley. Heath Ledger. Anna Nicole Smith. So many of these famous, rich, powerful and influential people died of accidental drug overdoses, etc.

In addition to the celebrity deaths, of course we have people who would fall into this same category who have not (yet) died. But they are known to have struggles with drugs, alcohol, etc. Some of struggled with sexual addiction (Tiger Woods), anger (Charlie Sheen) and a host of other issues.

For the most part, what they are doing is trying to change the way they feel - or to cope with the feelings they have. Is it recognized that these rich, famous, powerful and influential people have such troubling feelings? Do we understand that they have feelings they can't handle - or will resort to dangerous, life-threatening behaviors in an attempt to manage those feelings? Isn't that what's going on here?

It is a problem common to the human race. It's a part of the human condition, really. We have these feelings about things, and we don't get to pick them. We can often predict them, but not often prevent them. Sometimes they're good feelings. Sometimes they're bad feelings. Somethings they appear to be both good and bad. They can be incredibly complex!

Whatever is bad about feelings tends to feel like pain. And of course we've been taught to run from pain. It's part of our society. Deny it, mask it, eliminate it. But never - ever feel it. It's just not something that we do with pain. Similarly, there are feelings that we try to suppress, deny, avoid, manage or whatever. Would it ever occur to us to just feel them? I mean just let them happen? Isn't that what feelings are for?

God wired mankind with feelings and emotions. He gave us the capacity for pain, as much as He gave us the capacity for pleasure. But why did God do that? Do you suppose, just maybe, that feelings and emotions have a purpose? If so, then suppressing them, denying them, smothering them with drugs, alcohol or whatever - is likely to deny them their purpose.

It's sad when people lose their lives needlessly. It's even sadder when they do so out of their own stupidity. These people who die are ignorant of God's truth. I can't judge them, of course. But it sure looks to me like they are without the Truth that would set them free. And so they die.

As we commemorate celebrity deaths ... as we gawk at celebrity gossip ... we might want to consider the simple fact that the more blessed someone is, the more desperately he or she needs to be grounded in God's truth. Without it, the feelings can be overwhelming and powerful. In fact, they can cause us to take foolish actions that, in the worst case scenario, can result in death.

Burial Plans?

When was the last time you visited a cemetery (without attending a funeral)? Were you visiting in order to honor anyone specifically? Did you even know anyone that was buried in that cemetery?

During my high school years, I had a job mowing the lawn of a country church cemetery. I think it paid $25 per week, and the church provided an old rickety riding lawn mower. (I had to borrow my step-father's truck to haul it though.) It seemed a little peculiar at times.

My father had died when I was three and he was buried in that cemetery. There were also several names I recognized from our farming community (in northeast Ohio). I remember being annoyed sometimes when the tractor would go over the oldest graves and there would be huge dips where the old wooden coffins had collapsed. If you weren't careful the tractor could get stuck in those dips! Ewwww!!!!!!

Over the years, I've often found myself wandering through old cemeteries. When I worked in London, England there were some impressive old cemeteries. The stones were hundreds of years old. Most of them you couldn't even read any more. I found myself wondering who those people were.

More recently, I have to confess that most of my visits to cemeteries have been with my son to search for geocaches (http://www.geocaching.com/). These are obscure trinkets (or treasures - depending on your perspective) that people hide and then other people (like me) try to find them using a satellite tracking device. It seems that many of the geocachers like to hide things in old cemeteries. And so we wade into old, often broken down and forgotten cemeteries in search of a dollar store trinket, using a satellite in space to find it.

I often wonder what the people buried in the cemeteries would think if they could see the cemeteries now. How would they feel about the broken and worn tombstones with names that are barely recognizable? Would they welcome frolicking families, with chocolate lab in tow, searching for hidden treasures? And what about the people that buried them? Do their loved ones still visit? Who is living today that even knows they're buried there? Or cares?

So here it is, my life observation if you will. I notice that after a generation or two, nobody visits, maintains or appears to care about anyone's grave. So I wonder if it is really worth it. Flying into New York's La Guardia airport, I've often circled over a vast, sprawling cemetery that obviously consumes acres and acres of land in the midst of one of the most heavily populated and congested parts of the country. I've visited that cemetery and noticed that most of the graves are more than 100 years old.

I wonder if it is really worth it to have people burning fossil fuels to drive farther out from the city to live - because the land in the city is occupied ... by dead people. Did the dead people really think this through before they moved (their bodies) there?

Even here in my own town (Plano, Texas), I can count at least three cemeteries that are old, run down and never visited. One ended up behind an alley of newly built custom homes. Choked with weeds, it was a family plot that eventually got developed on both sides. Luckily the developer put a decent fence around it and mowed off the weeks so it wouldn't be such an eyesore for the new homeowners.

Another old cemetery in our town hit the jackpot. It had the fortune to be in the center of the Shops At Legacy, an urban center. The developers of high end shops, offices and condos built a swanky fence around this old cemetery, cleaned it up and put a series of metal long-horn cow statues up to make it look like some kind of a park.

But these are the exceptions. Most old cemeteries here and anywhere else in the western world, seem to "die out" (no pun intended) after a generation or two passes. The descendants don't usually even know where their ancestors are buried. Much less do they seem to care ... based on how often they visit or how well they maintain the grave plots.

King Solomon, of Old Testament lore, was said by God to be the "wisest man who ever lived." He said, "There is no remembrance of men of old, and even those who are yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow." (Ecclesiastes 1:11) It strikes me that King Solomon wasn't in the business of selling grave markers. But he understood life. And while he was at the time talking about how we make too much of life, I think he revealed another important truth. We make too much of death.

People die, and in our grief we spend exorbitant amounts of money on funerals, swanky caskets, and grave markers. And yet, King Solomon told us thousands of years ago that such spending would really just be folly. Nobody cares. Nobody will care.

What people care about is their pain and grief when they lose a loved one. Perhaps a few care thereafter "out of respect for the dead." But for the most part, we don't remember those who've gone before us. It is our human condition.

So I decided long ago to have my dead body cremated and the ashes disposed of in the least ceremonious way possible. Why? Because I am under no illusion that my children or grandchildren really have the capacity to care much beyond my death. I bet yours don't either.