I'll Be Mad

Maybe you've had one of them too. I'm talking about those conversations with people who tell you that they're going to get mad if certain conditions exist. "If so-and-so does thus-and-such ... I'm going to be mad!" Or maybe they say something like, "I'm gonna be really mad ....!"

Have you ever thought about what this really means? The individual tries to anticipate the behavior other people, and then predicts their own reaction. Or possibly they're just informing you of a decision they know that they'll make. Really, can you do that? I mean can you decide a decision before you actually make it?

I guess you can. You can set up some parameters and decide ahead of time how you'll handle things inside and outside of those parameters. Marital fidelity might be an example. I decide ahead of time about the commitment I have to my wife. Then should I run across a temptation to sin against her, I've already determined what my response will be.

So it could be just setting boundaries and deciding how you'll enforce those boundaries --- or what you'll do when they're honored. But I'm not so sure that this works when it comes to emotional responses like anger. In fact, I'm rather persuaded that anger is one of those things in humanity that acts like a double-edged sword. As such, anger can be constructive or destructive.

Jesus got angry. (Did you know that?) His anger was generally displayed in one of two instances though. Jesus got angry and acted on His anger when God didn't receive the proper respect that He deserved. An example might be when the money changers were in the temple. Jesus also got angry when the poor, the children, the weak and other underdogs were being taken advantage of.

So I like to think of Jesus' anger examples as illustrations of righteous anger. And the thing is, I've not been able to find other examples of righteous anger. It seems that the most common appearances of anger even within myself have sin as their motivator. Ugh!

So if I didn't get treated fairly, or if I don't think someone held up their end of he deal, I can get angry. But is that really righteous anger? No, I don't think so. For you see, it's born of my sinful nature. It comes from my sense of entitlement, my self righteousness or even my pride. It could come from my selfishness or self-centeredness or inflated view of myself. It could come from my unloving attitude towards others, my unforgiveness or simply my unrealistic and inappropriate expectations.

Jesus set the tone for anger. And I've concluded in my own walk with Christ that He meant for His followers only to experience righteous anger that defends the honor of God and takes up a loving advocate for those who cannot defend, speak or provide for themselves.

Love God and love others, Jesus said, for these are the two most important commandments and everything else rises on their foundation. Who knew that He was talking about anger?

So the next time you're tempted to get angry, or you feel the emotional response of anger rising up within you, stop and check your motive. Why exactly are you mad? What has happened or not happened that stimulates you so?

Can you line it (your anger) up with loving God and loving others? If not, then you must put it down. Immediately. The Bible tells us not to sin in our anger, but the simple truth is that if our anger is not checked with God's priorities - or backed with God's purposes, then sin is written all over it. Any questions?

Conflict's Nature

Have you ever considered the nature and character of conflict? I think it surrounds us most of the time. But few of us ever really try to understand it. It seems that the character and nature of conflict may be hard to detect, hard to discern. And it strikes me that this is where conflict gets its power.
I met a guy recently who teaches seminars on conflict resolution. He told me there are five ways to handle conflict. (I wasn't particularly enamored with any of them.) I've read books on conflict resolution and conflict management. I took a course once and got certified to be a professional arbitrator. I've also looked at college courses on conflict. But I have to say that I am still amazed at the high level of ignorance mankind seems to have with conflict. The irony is that we can be so ignorant of something that is so central to the human experience.

Conflict has this impact on us. It tends to start our adrenaline pumping. Even when we're right, or have done nothing wrong --- conflict can seize our emotions. It can undo us and make us stutter or stumble for words. Usually after a confrontation we'll walk away, calm down and then think of all the things we should have said, would have said, could have said. Conflict has that way about it. You see, it steals our words right from under our nose. We only find them again when the confrontation is over. How does it do that?

Another thing about conflict is the ability it has to insert itself at the center of your attention. When you're in conflict, you can scarcely think of anything else. There may be many other, more important things to think about. But conflict will take center stage. You can find yourself obsessing about the issues of the conflict - even when you don't want to. I know I can start to pray about a conflict that I'm involved in. The next thing I know, I'm rehearsing the speech I'd like to give the opposing party in that conflict. (Of course, I then have to repent and start praying all over again!)

The thing is that human beings are all different. We have different backgrounds, perspectives, experiences, values, beliefs, preferences and even different ways of thinking or looking at things. So conflict is inevitable, even among the most righteous of people. The Bible gives us antidotes for conflict, and they're good ones. There is a God-honoring way to deal with conflict. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to remember when conflict is swirling around us like some sort of smoky haze, blocking our view of reality.

I have a dear friend whom I have turned to often to discuss issues in my life. One of the things that used to trouble me a great deal was the amount of conflict I'd find myself in. He helped me see, with the help of the Holy Spirit, that conflict was part of God's will for my life. It's how I am made. And if I live the live that God has called me to, I am going to encounter conflict. In fact, I could encounter lots of it. Coming to grips with this truth helped me understand that conflict does not mean there is something wrong with me. (I had worried that it was always my character defects that caused conflict in my life.)

Still, I hate conflict. (Doesn't everybody?) I wish everyone could just get along. (They can't.) I want conflict to have easy solutions. (It doesn't.) And I want conflict to end in glory for God. (It can.)

But it seems that conflict can be used for good or for bad. And it is my willingness to pull it out and examine it that starts to make the difference. When I become a better student of conflict and its dynamics, it starts to lose power. When I look for God's approach to conflict - I find that it's bark is much worse than its bite. (Go figure.)

I've often found I had to face the dilemma that I refer to as the battle between the urgent and the important. You see, the urgent is a screaming brat, demanding immediate attention. It's very distracting. It's very exhausting. And it often has little value. But the important ... it will sit quietly, waiting seemingly forever. It never demands anything. And it offers tremendous value. Conflict has this dynamic. It is always urgent, but rarely really important.

As you might guess, I'm finding quite a bit of conflict in my life right now. Lord, help me to keep it in perspective. Help me to put it in its place. Let it not distract me from the real issues.