Tinnitus

Did you ever know anyone with tinnitus? Do you even know what it is? I had to say no to both of these questions --- until a couple of years ago. My life has been altered permanently since then, and now I am one of those people. I now have first-hand experience with tinnitus. It is perhaps one of the oddest health issues I believe I have ever encountered. Apparently I'm in good company too.

Notable sufferers of tinnitus include (according to Wikipedia.com) Lugwig van Beethoven, Bono, Eric Clapton, Phil Collins, Van Gogh, David Letterman, Sylvester Stallone, Jack Straw, Barbara Streisand and others. There are days when I'd just like to ring up Barbara on the telephone and have a chat with her about this. I think I might ask her, "Babs, is this how it is for you? How does it affect your thinking? Does it impact your moods on a day-to-day basis?" I might even ask her something like, "What do you think of life now that you have tinnitus?"

We're told by most sources that tinnitus has numerous possible causes --- but absolutely no possible cures. There are treatments from health food stores to the Mayo Clinic. After reading about them, I have to say they all sound pretty much like snake oil treatments. It seems that nothing really offers any promise. One place I was reading about it said that tinnitus can escalate to the point of suicide. Now that's a sobering thought. I wouldn't like to think that there is a physical affliction of any kind that would drive me to suicide. But apparently it has.

Some days I don't even think about tinnitus. I'm not sure why. But other days, and especially at night in bed, it can be deafening in nature. I think of those suicide comments and wonder how much worse it can get. Tinnitus has been described as a level of pain, emanating from nerve damage. The pain seems bearable now. But if it escalates, would it drive me mad? These thoughts do cross my mind. On this particular day, it is not unbearable. But it is loud.

Apparently the "sound" of tinnitus can have a few variations. It is usually described as a ringing noise, but in some patients it takes the form of a buzzing, hissing, humming, or whistling sound, or as ticking, clicking, roaring, "crickets", tunes, songs, or beeping. For me, it's a constantly whistling or hissing sound. It never, ever stops. It's going 24 hours per day, every single day of the week. Some days, and many nights, it's louder. They say it can happen in the ear or just in the brain. I'm not sure where mine is, but I only hear it in the left ear.

I guess I was first introduced to tinnitus when I had a very serious abscess in my upper left jaw. I went to the family dentist and he put me on antibiotics. It wasn't getting better, and he needed it to before he could do the root canal. He prescribed two other antibiotics, and we got up to a particularly effective one called clindamycin. It's said that a side effect of clindamycin is ringing in the ears. I told my dentist about the ringing and he just shrugged and said it was the medication. Eventually, the infection cleared up and the root canal was performed.

I guess it was some weeks after the root canal when I realized the shrill whistle wasn't letting up. It was persisting. Visits to a doctor later, even a year or more later offered no hope. The last doctor I consulted on this told me it must have been some kind of nerve damage from the infection. Basically you get no answers, no solutions and of course, no sympathy. It feels like the silent scream that just never stops. I'm the only one who hears it.

And so goes this journey of mine through life. I am wondering about so many things. I guess I can add this to the list. Where did it come from? Why does it stay? Will it get worse? How will I manage it if it does? I was reading the other day that veterans of war often complain of tinnitus and apply for disability based on it. Apparently, bombings and other war activities are but one of the ways one can get tinnitus. Is it disabling? Not really yet. Is it distracting and annoying, maybe sometimes even a little threatening? Definitely.

I think that serenity prayer is best for those of us who have tinnitus. It says, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." So I guess this is one of those things where I just need serenity for this thing that I cannot change. It is a serenity challenge, indeed.