Should I say something?

It’s one of my favorite shows, although I’ll be the first to admit that it has a certain air of offensiveness to it.  The TV show sets up scenarios where people are presented with typically ethical dilemmas.  Perhaps someone is misbehaving in public.  Maybe a parent is badgering a teen-age daughter to get Botox.  Perhaps restaurant diners are harassing someone who’s brought in a service dog.  The guy in the gift shop broke something when the manager was in the back room and is trying to lie about it so he won’t have to pay for it.  And then the TV cameras watch to see what the unsuspecting public will do.  Will they speak up for what’s good and right?  Will they take a stand for the oppressed?

 

I’m not sure why I like this TV show that’s titled What Would You Do?  It’s really not much different than that 60’s & 70’s era show called Candid Camera.  It has some similarities to the laggard of comedienne Betty White’s Off Their Rockers.  Maybe the attraction for me is the fact that I personally tend to think that there is a right and wrong way about everything.  I don’t typically accept that truth is relative or that it can be left to each of our personal perceptions or interpretations.  You see, I tend to take truth as being something that’s absolute – meaning it’s black-and-white-and-never-gray.

 

But I have to confess that often I find myself in life’s situations where it seems there’s a dilemma.  I’d like to say that I’m smart enough and coy enough to always know what the right thing is in those dilemmas.  I’d like to say that.  I just can’t. 

 

Recently I was seated in a window seat in the first class section of an American Airlines flight from Detroit to Dallas.  The gentleman in the aisle seat next to me quickly established himself in my mind as a rebel.  And that’s putting it kindly.  For you see, my thoughts of him weren’t so kind.  The flight attendants made the announcements that all electronic devices were to be firmly switched into the OFF position until after take-off.  They walked through the aisle exhorting lax passengers to switch of their electronic devices and put them away. 

 

My fellow passenger in the neighboring seat perhaps didn’t think those rules were important enough to follow.  Or perhaps he thought of himself as the one grand exception amongst the couple hundred of us seated on the plane.  Whatever his motives, he did NOT switch of his electronic devices.  He flipped his notebook shut when the flight attendant walked by, stuffing it into the seat pocket in front of him without turning if off.  After she was seated, he proceeded to put on his head phones and power up the music on his iPhone.  When she walked by again for something, he flipped it over and pretended to be asleep with the headphones on.  Needless to say, the flight took off with my neighbor’s electronic devices fully powered – and at least one of them operating for his personal entertainment. 

 

I’d like to say that this is the first time I’ve ever witnessed such a thing.  Sadly, I travel a lot.  And I’ve seen it a lot.  The truth is that I myself don’t know how important a rule it is that all electronic devices be powered down and properly stowed before a plane takes-off.  I mean, is it a safety issue?  Could the plane crash because of it?  Or is it just annoying interference with the pilots’ radio communications with the tower?  I wanted to find a serious flight attendant during the flight and discreetly ask her what a passenger should do when we observe such a rebel endangering the lives of everyone on board.  But I couldn’t get out of my seat without asking for his cooperation!

 

About midway through this same flight, the lady in front of me violently reclined her seat in a split second.  The collision with my tray table caused my drink to spill, me to drop my magazine, and the knee of my crossed leg to be crushed in the vice-like grip of her seat pressing against my body!

So you might get the impression that I fly a lot and that I find a lot of things that offend me when I travel.  That would be true, but it’s really not the point of today’s blog.  The point is that everywhere we go, we find people doing things that are at the least – inappropriate.  They can be offensive.  And in the worst of cases, they can be harmful.  And it puts us in a dilemma.  Always.

 

It might be the guy who cuts into the line at the movies or amusement park.  Or maybe it’s the person with 37 items in the express lane at the grocery store (that only allows 20 items).  Perhaps it’s the neighbor who doesn’t take care of their lawn.  Or the teen-agers who cut through your lawn.  Possibly it’s the people who leave shopping carts strewn all over the parking lot.  Maybe the telemarketers who call during dinner time, or the solicitors who come to the door at our homes.  The point is that everywhere we go, we find people doing things that are at the least – awkward. 

 

We don’t approve.  But we aren’t sure what to say … or when to say it.  Is it our place?  What about that “judge not” business?  Is it sticking our noses into other people’s business?  Or is it sticking up for ourselves?  Or … just maybe … is it taking a stand for someone else, who might not be in a position to take a stand for ourselves?

 

As we go into this New Year, I think it’s a really good time to get serious about asking that age-old question, “What would Jesus do?”  Let’s look at the dilemmas that we find ourselves in, and let’s resolve to overcome them.  Said differently, let’s resolve to conquer our dilemmas.  Let’s step out of our comfort zones, and walk boldly into the cause for what’s good and right.  Let’s resolve to stand against whatever is wrong and offensive.

 

In short, let’s resolve be the change that we’d all like to see in this world.  And let us have the wisdom to see the opportunities to do so whenever – and wherever they happen to present themselves.

Ground Zero Mosque?

Okay, I guess I've sat on the sidelines of this debate long enough. Today's newspapers are chock full of articles, editorials and letters (from readers) debating whether Islam should be allowed to build a mosque near Ground Zero in New York City.

There seem to be varying views on the subject, but the most vocal are the people who find it offensive and disrespectful. They argue it was a radical brand of Islam that launched the terrorist attacks on the U.S. on 11 Sept. 2001. And even though most of Islam globally has said it doesn't support the attacks, these vocal Americans say it's offensive and disrespectful for Islam to take such a prominent position near what we now see as a "sacred" site (whatever that means).

So of course it's time for me to wade in with my magnificent wisdom and lead everyone to the truth of the matter. I think there are a few of simple truths operating here. And they seem to feed the conflict. Let's consider each of them.

First up is the fact that it was a radical brand of Islam that engineered the attacks on the U.S. in 2001. It has been a radical brand of Islam that the U.S. has been at war with ever since, mostly in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and to a lesser extent, Iran and Palestine. And while the rest of Islam globally has said it doesn't condone such behavior ... it hasn't said ... or done ... enough to convince us of its sincerity and authenticity.

The simple fact is that when there have been catastrophes and atrocities globally, the U.S. has traditionally gone in full force with our checkbooks open. We've given vast sums of wealth - literally billions and billions of dollars - in addition to the sacrifice of thousands of American lives. And we've done so to make wrongs right in this world.

What has Islam done? Where are the troops from our Islamic allies? Why hasn't Jordan or Saudi Arabia sent troops to fight with us in Afghanistan? Why hasn't Kuwait or Dubai sent troops to help us in Iraq? Why haven't these wealthy countries helped fund rebuilding of infrastructure in Iraq? Or feeding the hungry in Afghanistan?

Those are the questions that frankly Americans need to have answered. And let's be honest here, the fact that Islam has been so silent leads many Americans to question its sincerity and authenticity. We want to believe that Islam is a peaceful religion and that we can live side by side with Muslims. But the evidence and circumstances surrounding us day in and day out suggest that we don't have shared values, and cause us to doubt the claim that only radical Islam is the problem.

Secondly, Americans have suffered one of the greatest wounds in our country's history on that fateful day in 2001. Never before had our country been attacked in such a way, and in the absence of a war. That civilians were so slaughtered, and such blatant disregard for human decency was exhibited was among the most hurtful things Americans could imagine. Western countries looked on in horror. The unimaginable had happened.

Because this atrocity was so heinous, the so-dubbed Ground Zero in New York City has come to be viewed as a "sacred" site. Rather than rebuild the business skyscrapers that were there, New York couldn't bring itself to do anything but build a memorial. The new tower rising up is a mere shadow of what was destroyed. And it is being built mostly as a memorial. Americans envision that this will become a solemn place of prayer, remembrance and reflection. It will likely become the most patriotic of physical sites in all of America.

So it is offensive that the particular religion which has its name on this atrocity now wants to be a part of the landscape near our "sacred" site. I confess that I'm not sure what it means that the site is considered "sacred." But I get the emotional charge that it carries for many Americans. How would Islam feel if Americans built a Christian church two blocks from the center of Mecca - their sacred site (that we aren't even allowed to visit)? That such a thing would never happen only fuels the offense that Americans feel.

Our President has pointed out that any legitimate religion has the American freedom to build a house of worship anywhere it wants in our country. He is right on that count. They do. Perhaps Mr. Obama displayed some of his most profound insight when he later clarified that he was not commenting on the wisdom of building the mosque there. And that is the point. That you chose this site to build a mosque demonstrates your complete lack of wisdom.

If Islam were truly a peaceful religion ... if Muslims were really people of love ... if there were respect for Americans and an effort to share basic standards of human decency ... Islam would do a lot of things that I mentioned above. It would wade into wrongs and give generously. It would sacrifice lives fighting for what's right. It would also not do some things. It would not, for example, have a double standard where Islamic governments fund mosques in the U.S. --- but don't allow even open displays of Christianity in their countries.

To the point of building a mosque near the site of Ground Zero in New York, Islam could show some simple respect and human decency. While they have the right to build the proposed mosque anywhere, they should have the common sense not to. Out of respect and love for the people of America, Islam should instead give generously to rebuild the site that their radical brothers destroyed. Frankly, if Islam had been a better partner and ally in this mess, I doubt that Americans would find the proposed mosque's siting so offensive.

There have been two Islamic mosques built within just a few miles of my house in the past few years. Both are brand new. Both are expensive and tasteful houses of worship. One of them I drive by all the time. I see the cars coming and going. I see the additions being built on, the parking lot being expanded. It's clear that Islam is firmly rooted in my community and is growing. To be honest, I don't find either one of them offensive or disturbing. In our community, my wife and I have tried to engage them as friends. We've had Muslims in our home.

But sadly I don't see any Islamic soup kitchens or homeless shelters. I don't see the mosques adopting underprivileged schools or sponsoring foster care for abused children. There aren't any English-as-a-second language or adult literacy classes meeting in these beautiful mosques. There aren't any mother's day out or twelve step recovery programs meeting in them either. I don't see them taking mission trips to help rebuild New Orleans or bring clean drinking water to the poor in rural Mexico. They aren't a collection site for clothes for the poor, and don't have any outreach programs to the homeless.

To my Muslim brothers and sisters in America, I say that I want to believe you. I want to find your religion a credible, peaceful religion. As a Christian I don't have to agree with you to love you, respect you and live peaceably with you. We've proven that with the other religions that don't acknowledge Christ as the Messiah. But what you don't do is much more troubling than anything that you do. And if that wasn't the case, I suspect you would find much less opposition to the building of a mosque near Ground Zero.

As an American, I'm not proud of the mouthy protesters who are screaming about how offensive it is that you might build this mosque in New York. I wish they'd settle down and focus more on being reconciled than being right. Certainly you have the right to build the proposed mosque anywhere you want. But then I wish that you too could focus more on being reconciled than being right.

Let's be clear here. This debate isn't about your rights. Rather it's about you doing what's right. But then that's something we Americans just have never experienced with Islam. Until we do, I expect Islam in America is going to find itself faced with increasing opposition on a lot more fronts. And you'll discover that this debate between Islam and the rest of America is not really about the proposed mosque.

I Blame You!

It was a familiar phone call. Someone phoned me to ask about a family matter. It started with, "You won't believe what she did!" He went on to explain what someone in his family had done that he found so offensive. He said, "I am so angry I don't think I can ever speak to her again." Clearly, he was hurt by the actions of the family member.

After listening to the details though, I had to prepare him for the fact that he would not like what I had to say about it. My explanation? Despite the fact that he was hurt and offended, the other party had actually not done anything wrong. Their actions seemed innocent and sincere. My guess was that she would not have even imagined that he would be offended or hurt by what she'd done. At most, she might be guilty of not thinking about it. If we wanted to be mean, we could say she was thoughtless. But then, I believe most human beings have that problem. Thoughtlessness seems to be part of human DNA.

So there it is, the sad truth - that just because someone offends or hurts us doesn't necessarily mean they are wrong. How many of us are conscious of that? All too often we think if we are hurt or offended or upset ... then the other party must surely be in the wrong.

But wrong would be sin. And the simple truth is that someone doesn't have to sin to offend us. You may have hobbies, beliefs, habits or other aspects of your being that I find offensive. But that doesn't make them wrong. It doesn't make you wrong.

I'm sure the world would tell us that what I'm explaining here is tolerance. I don't think so. I think the world's definition of tolerance including tolerating what's clearly wrong (sinful). That's not what I mean. There is something else that we must do with things we find offensive, but for which we can find no real sin in.

My advice to my dear friend? I told him I saw three things he could do.

First, forgive the other party. Oddly enough, someone else doesn't have to be wrong to require forgiveness. Instead, forgiveness comes from me to you. It's a change in how I view the situation. I surrender my right to be right. In fact, my forgiving you is really more about me than it is about you!

Second, we can explain to the other party how we are reacting to them or to what they do, like, enjoy or believe. And we can ask them to assist us with that problem. We make that all about us though - being careful not to even imply that they are wrong. For example, "John, I know you love snakes and enjoy them. But they really creep me out and I get very upset when I'm around them. Could you please enjoy them without me?"

Third, we can separate from the other party or their actions. In other words, we don't have to participate in things we find offensive or that hurt us. If John continues to catch snakes every time we go to the park, I can quit going to the park with John! There is nothing wrong with declining to participate in things that offend or hurt us. In other words, the same grace we extend to the other party by agreeing that they don't have to be wrong when we're offended ---- gets extended to us. Just because I don't like snakes doesn't make me wrong. And if I choose not to go to the park with John any more --- that doesn't make me wrong either.

So maybe there's another definition of tolerance here. It's called grace that Christ-followers automatically extend to each other.