Husbands & Wives

It's a story that's well known in Christianity. In fact it is a story that it's so fundamental to Creation that just about everyone knows it. I'm talking about the story of Adam and Eve, earth's first couple. After God had finished His mighty construction project (i.e., making the world and everything in it), He was pleased that the project had come in on time and on under budget.

But God considered Adam, the only creation He'd made in His own image. Something was just not right. "Then Lord God said, 'It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18) After having come to this conclusion, God went through the entire inventory of everything He'd made. "... But for Adam, no suitable helper was found." (Genesis 2:20)

It's probably worth pausing right there to think about what exactly God had in mind in terms of a "suitable helper" for Adam. If you're like me, your mind automatically thinks of assistance that's appropriate (i.e., sufficient but not sleazy). Surely there would be plenty of that kind of help around. There were beasts of burden. There were dogs who could be trained and monkeys that could be taught to do most any chore Adam might have. Nevertheless, God found none of them suitable.

Ironically, when God was considering a "suitable helper" for Adam, there was no work that Adam had to do. Remember that Adam was, at the time, sinless. He lived in the Garden of Eden. There was no work to do. None of that "sweat by the brow" kind of stuff had to be contended with at the time. So what exactly was it that God thought Adam needed help with?

This is one of those questions that can't be answered straight from a specific Scripture reference. Instead, the answer must come from the context of God's Word. In other words, we have to look beyond that specific incident and see what God's heart and mind were concerning the matter. For example, how did He instruct husbands and wives to to relate to each other?

The thing is that Adam didn't need any assistance with tasks. Rather he needed something or someone to complete him in spiritual and emotional ways. It seems that God had created man with an innate need for woman. It was a spiritual need. It was an emotional need. And of course there is that sexual need. But all things considered, God wired man to be live in intimate relationship with woman.

So let's fast forward to present times. (After all, it's only a few thousand years!) Men and women go about the business of marrying each other all the time. We do it in every religion and in every culture. Sometimes there are differences (i.e., arranged marriage), but the intent is the same. It's a fundamental goal of the human race to be married. Men need to be husbands. And women needs to be wives.

But I believe this need to be married is so fundamental to who we are that maybe we overlook the higher purpose that God had in mind all along. As a man, it is not good for me to be alone. And it is God's desire that I have a "suitable helper." She's not there for sex. She's not there to have babies and raise them. She's not there to do the laundry, clean the house or cook the meals.

This wife that God created me to need? She is there, to complement me. Check the spelling of that word. The dictionary says that it means to "complete or make perfect." In this godly wife that God ordained for me, I find myself complete. I find my emotional being is complete. And of course my wife finds the same things. Without me, she is incomplete. As I am there to nurture her, to be safe for her, to help her stay balanced with a firm grip on reality. It's what husbands and wives do for each other. In this way, we are complete --- as God intended.

Husbands and wives, let's stop and consider how we relate to each other. Do we focus on how our spouse didn't meet our expectations? Did we focus on what we could or should get out of this relationship (with our spouse)? Or do we get up every morning and ask God to show us how to complement each other that day?

"Lord, I'm grateful for the spouse that you gave me. Help me to be a good steward of that opportunity, no less than the stewardship that I owe you for everything else I am and have in this life. Give us both Your perspective on things that would seek to divide us. Fill us both with your Spirit and lead our thoughts, our words and our deeds each day such that we can honor you by complementing ... completing each other. We ask these things in Jesus' name. Amen."

Good Husband

I've done some marriage counseling in my day. I've also worked through my own marriage for 25 years now. I think I've learned a thing or two about marriage. But there is something about husbands and wives that I still think we need to work on. It would seem that women have one level of thinking about husbands - and vice versa.

But I notice that God has given us a pretty strong model for being a husband. And I'm not talking about the standard scriptures that are referenced - where the husband should love his wife like Christ loved the church. To be fair, most men don't have a clue how to put that into practice. They may agree with it, and they may intend to do it. But the fact of the matter is that they don't really know how. So let's make it practical for you guys (and you gals).

A good husband honors his wife. He will protect, respect, help and stay with her. He will be faithful to her, even in his thoughts, his entertainment and his fantasies. After God, she will be first in his life. And his choices will prove it.

A good husband will not expect his wife to work full time outside the home and full time at home. He will work to lighten her load whenever and wherever he can. He'll be at least an equal partner in the household chores, child-rearing duties and other duties. She'll only pick up an unequal share of those duties if her workload outside the home is less than his.

A good husband will be sensitive to his wife's needs. That includes physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He will work hard and sacrifice to see that her needs are provided for - even after his death. He won't resent her needs being met over his. He will consider it a joy to make sacrifices for her - and will freely set aside his needs in favor of hers.

A good husband will relate to his wife with courtesy, consideration, insight and tact. He not be mean-spirited with comments or criticisms. He will not hesitate to correct her when she is wrong ... but will do so with love and respect. He will wade into conflicts to resolve them. He will make her feel safe and will challenge her to be better. In fact, a good husband will bring out the best in his wife.

A good husband will speak well of his wife, even when she's not around. He will be thoughtful as he speaks to her. He will not embarrass her. He will make it obvious that she is a delight to him. He will treasure her and cherish her. And no one will have to guess how he really feels about his wife. His eyes will show it, as they light up when he speaks of her.

A good husband will lead his wife. He will be the spiritual leader in the household. He will set the pace for the family. He will do so in such a way that it is a joy for her to follow him.

Finally, before you start writing letters to tell me about how your wife doesn't live up to the godly wife you expect her to be ... let me tell you how she acts isn't a contingency for how you act. Good husbands are good husbands even if their wives aren't good wives!