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Sunday, February 10, 2008


So what do you think about celebrities? We hear about them all the time. They're on the radio, on the TV, in the movies, in the newspapers. Even the Internet newsfeeds are stuffed full of celebrity news. One can hardly live in America and not know some of its celebrities. Heck, we even import some of them from the U.K., Australia and Canada. (We import very few from anywhere else though.) There is something about celebrity that just captures all of us.

A year ago, it was Anna Nicole's death that captured the world. Elvis has made more money in his death than he did when he was alive. I don't think Anna Nicole will. Somehow I suspect her earning days are nearly over. Dead celebrities are an anonymally unto themselves though. We talk about them for years and years. Sometimes we talk about them for even longer than they were alive. Like James Dean, for example. He didn't live nearly as long as his legacy. Marilyn Monroe is another. She just goes on and on. I wonder why that is. What is one to make of a world full of dead celebrities.

Everyone has their favorite celebrities. Even if they don't watch celebrities, even if they won't admit it --- every red-blooded American must admit that someone catches his or her eye. Madonna used to be one of mine. I thought she was disgusting and perverse. But I listened to her music while on the stairmaster at the health club. There she rocked. I've always been intrigued by Madonna, but not her sexiness or her music. Rather I'm intrigued by her business sense. If you ask me, she may be smarter than Hillary Clinton. She can certainly accomplish more with less.

Angelina Jolie is hot right now. All the guys love her. I'm not sure what the women think of her. I think she has too many tatoos ... and kids. I wish she'd stop. She needs to get married too. Shacking up with Jennifer Aniston's ex-husband just isn't cool Angie. What kind of example is it setting for all those kids you keep adopting? Angelina was in Iraq this week. I watched a video of an interview with her in Iraq. I have to admit, she was articulate and well-spoken. She had good points to make and made them well. She didn't flirt with the camera either. I don't think she takes herself too seriously. We probably take her more seriously than she does!

I see that Cher is coming back to Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas for a series of shows over the next couple of years. Thank goodness! I was beginning to get worried about Cher. I missed her. I'm not sure about her music either, but the woman knows how to put on a show. Besides, I like her hair. Her kids seem like a mess. I wonder how it is to have Cher for your mother. I bet that's a challenge. How'd you like to sit down in a recovery group and start talking about the issues you have with your mother ... and then admit that it's Cher? Not me! She must be 60 now. She looks good. At least you can say that for her.

Britney Spears. Now that's a name. No, that's a spectacle. Could there be anyone more messed up? Most of the messed up celebs just overdose and die. Not Britney, she puts on a show for the world to see. She parades around like a circus clown, without so much as a clue. I feel sorry for the girl. But I've watched some old footageof her. I think she's probably got a serious pride issue here. What else could keep her in such a state of denial? We can only pray that the girl will sometime, somewhere, listen to the voices of reason and stop indulging her selfish desires.

Bette Midler, Liz Taylor, Helen Reddy, and other female celebs are worth a mention here. Google those gals and see what they've been up to. Yep, they're still celebrities!

Male celebrities are interesting too. But in a different way. Somehow they seem different. Tom Cruise. Interesting, but only mildly so. His underwear stunt in the White House a few years ago was funny. He saddens me with his wives. He seems to just throw them away. I wonder if that's what L. Ron Hubbard taught him to do. I wish he'd get a haircut too. It makes him look sloppy.

Matthew McConaughey is an interesting one. Lives in a travel trailer on the beach. He's pretty rich though. I bet it's a nice travel trailer. He knocked up his girlfriend and now is on the cover of People magazine telling the world that "he's going to be a father." I wonder if he knows what a father really is. I wonder if he'll really be a father to this kid. I wonder if the kid will ever be told that he (or she) was conceived in a travel trailer on the beach! Matthew looks like he's having fun though. He likes to play with Lance Armstrong.

Speaking of Lance Armstrong, he's survived that bout with testicular cancer, but dumped his wife to date Sheryl Crowe. We're supposed to think that he's a hero, and a stellar individual. He set up a foundation and sells a million rubber bracelets to raise money for cancer research. He was championing the bill in Texas to have the taxpayers borrow $1 billion for cancer research. Lance proved to be an effective lobbyist ... it passed. I wish he hadn't dumped his wife. I wish we hadn't borrowed $1 billion for cancer research.

I saw on the cover of a magazine at the check-out stand this week that Paul Newman "is on his death bed." I wonder if that's true. I wonder how long he's been there. He's pretty old. I wonder if it's really a surprise. We're all going to be on our deathbeds some day. Will they put it on the cover of the gossip rags? Paul has a pretty extensive line of food. I hear he gives the profits to charity. I wonder how he learned so much about food, when he was acting all those years. But he stayed with his wife. Good for him.

Christopher Reeves was a sad man. I remember when he made the first Superman movie. I wanted to be him. He seemed like he had it all. Then the horse accident and he was paralyzed. It seemed like he had a solid marriage though and it was heartwarming to see his wife take such good care of him. He became very outspoken about stem cell research. When he died, I almost felt good for him. It seemed like life would have been too hard, and death a blessing. When his wife died shortly thereafter though --- now that just seemed wrong on so many levels. Life isn't fair.

Burt Reynolds was a good celebrity. He gave us a lot to talk about and watch. But that thing with Lonnie Anderson. Why is it that celebrities go through so many spouses? Why can't they be like Paul Newman and stay married for life? I don't get it.

Why do celebrities start foundations to research cures for fatal diseases --- only when they have those fatal diseases? Michael J. Fox did it ... just like Lance Armstrong and Christopher Reeves. Would they have cared so much about those diseases if they didn't have them? Would they have started foundations and gone on the circuit raising money for them?

That's what I like about Liz Taylor, who fights for AIDS but doesn't have it. Angelina Jolie is good about fighting for things she doesn't have too. Come one men, let's get with it. Like Dr. Phil. He seems like a good celebrity. He helps people figure out what's working for them and what isn't. I'd like to be a celebrity like that.

The dictionary defines celebrity as a "condition of being well known." Some of our older definitions reveal it to be a "well known position of high acclaim." Of course Paris Hilton proved that one wrong. It is now possible to be a very big celebrity --- for no reason at all! But why is it that we want celebrities? What useful purpose do they serve in society? Why do we crave them so much? Why are they so alluring for us? This, my friend, is the mystery of the universe!

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