The Homosexual Dilemma

I have counseled a lot of men in ministry. (Mind you, I'm not a licensed professional counselor. So understand that it means "moral guidance" and that I didn't get paid for it.) Much of the counseling has centered around sexuality. For men, sex is a big deal. It's a very big deal. Unfortunately Satan knows it too. More men than you'd imagine struggle with sexual sin. It ranges from promiscuity to unfaithfulness to a wife. It ranges from pornography and masturbation to homosexuality. Yes, homosexuality. Let me explain.

Homosexuality is not "a way that God creates mankind." Nobody is made that way. So what's really going on? The simple answer is temptation and sin. I liken it to a lot of other human conditions that end up being a definition in our society. For example, those who are tempted to drink too much are defined as drunks; and those who are tempted to eat too much are defined as obese --- that is if they give in to the temptation. And it is the same for men who struggle with what we call same-sex attraction.

For some reason, our society seems to grab this label easier than other labels. So even a man who is tempted will draw the conclusion --- or have someone else draw it for him --- that he "is gay." There are two problems with that. First, a temptation is not a definition. Let's be clear. Second, men who struggle with pornography or promiscuity can find, to their horror, that the sexual fantasies and even acting out can escalate to same-sex. So a perfectly heterosexual man who allows his sexual addiction to escalate unchecked can find himself eventually getting to the question, "Am I gay?" The point is, temptations don't define, and temptations aren't exclusive or inclusive of any people group.

Christians who have loved ones that identify themselves as "gay" are often eager to share the good news of Christ, but they wonder how they can do so without sounding judgmental. Moreover, they wonder if they can actually promise those they minister to that change is possible. Is change possible? If it is, why haven't we seen much of it? If it isn't God's will that people are just "gay," then why aren't we seeing God's will intervene in these people's lives?

All too often, churches want to be involved with ministry to homosexuals, but they're unsure of how to proceed. Should active gays be invited to church? Should the church start some sort of formal outreach? Are there effective ways to follow up on new believers from a homosexual perspective? What to do? I often see Christians and their churches struggling with this dilemma. I wonder if they find themselves in similar dilemmas over other forms of temptation and sin.

On the whole, the Christian church today seems to be lagging sadly behind in having a workable, scriptural response to homosexuals who look to us for good news. Christians have, unfortunately, made those inside and outside the church fearful of being honest about their very real struggles. Many Christians don't believe that it's possible that there are men among them who struggle with same sex attraction. But be sure, most churches have them. And the fact that we don't know how to respond to them only increases their pain.

I've volunteered with an Exodus International group in the past. The first three guys they sent me pastors, currently employed by churches, married with children, who struggled with same-sex attraction. One was already acting out. All three were absolutely being ripped apart. They loved their God. They loved their families. They loved their churches. And they found themselves being attracted to other men. It was heartbreaking to learn of their immense pain. My own experience has taught me though that no man is exempt from Satan's assaults.

We in the church have given wrong signals to those come to Christ, looking for hope and help. Either we beat them over the head with the Sodom and Gomorrah stories, or we slap them with something like 2 Corinthians 5:17 and tell them that if they come to Christ they will get fixed immediately --- and if they don't there must be something wrong with them. Perhaps their commitment to Christ wasn't sincere? What a horrible thing to do to people in pain!

We we consider ministering to those whose lifestyle or temptation we don't understand, we must always remember to offer them the same grace, understanding and love that Christ offered us. We must believe, yes --- believe, that God has a plan for their lives and that Jesus can help them overcome the temptation sin their lives --- whatever they may be.

There isn't a special antidote for ministering to those with same-sex attractions any more than there is for ministering to those with an perverted desire for money, food or heterosexual sin. The Bible has the answers for each and every one of us that may be tempted to sin. The same God who sent His Son for you and me sent His Son for the homosexual.

My prayer today is that we can learn, as Christians, to look past the social taboo that homosexuality appears as --- and learn to embrace it as any other temptation and sin --- with God's Word, His grace and His love.